How Can I Create my own Definition of Success?
Success means something different to each person. While many simply adopt society’s model of what success looks like — extrinsic, visible, material wealth — true success goes much deeper.
Knowing what success means to you can act like a north star, guiding your decision making and your priorities through different phases of life. This makes it worth taking time to get clear on your own definition of what success means to you.
If you don’t create your own definition of success, you are probably living according to someone else’s.
Living according to someone else’s definition of success is not sustainable. Eventually, this lack of authenticity in how you use your time and energy can cause emotional and psychological harm. You feel exhausted, like you’re always performing.
You may feel like you have to wear a mask and hide your true self. On some level, it might feel like you’re living behind a sheet of glass, not truly present or participating. Living according to someone else’s definition of success can feel like you’re living a lie.
How to define success
Most of the prevailing definitions of success relate to external measures of success. How do I look to others? How wealthy am I / do I seem? Am I impressive? From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. Being ‘successful’ by this gauge made it more likely for our genes to reach the next generation.
Thankfully, today, we have the capacity to live far more authentic lives that reflect what matters to us. To do so, we have to first identify our own definition of success.
Having your own definition of success makes it easier to live in alignment with your values and to work towards goals that authentically matter to you, rather than what is prescribed by the outside world.
So how do you go about it?
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya Angelou
Creating your own definition of success
Step 1: Reflect on the definition of success you’ve been using to date
Before you start creating your own definition, it can be helpful to get clear on the definition of success that has guided you this far.
Take some time to reflect on the following questions:
To what extent do the decisions I’ve made in life so far feel like my own? (e.g. choice of tertiary study, where you live, you career path, who you’ve dated, how you spend your free time)
If these decisions feel anything less than 100% like my own, who or what might have influenced how I made these decisions? This might be parents or caregivers, teachers or counsellors, peers, your society or culture at large, situations that have occurred (e.g. a family member losing their job, a scholarship you won, divorce).
Without overthinking it, take a few moments to put into words what the definition of success you’ve used to date would be.
Assess: on a scale of one to 10, how authentic does that definition feel to you?
Step 2: Reflect on what matters to YOU
Take some time to sit down with a pen and paper. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them fully, honestly and as completely as you can.
Remember, seek answers that come from deep within you, as the unique individual you are, and not what might have been dictated to you through things like societal expectations, other people’s ideas of success, or your upbringing.
What’s most important to me? What matters most to me in my life?
When do I feel most like ‘myself’ — most authentic and present? What am I doing in those moments? What is it about those activities that give rise to this feeling?
Which things and activities in my life bring me joy and harmony?
Who are my role models in life? What is it about them that makes them so compelling to me?
Which needs to I need to fulfill to allow myself to feel relaxed and calm?
How do I want my day to day life to look? How do I want my day to day life to feel?
What regrets do I want to avoid in the future? Which strategies can I use to avoid experiencing those regrets down the track?
Letting go of whatever definition of success I might have been living by before, what does success really look like to me?
Step 3: Define Success for You!
Using the data you’ve derived from answering the above questions fully, honestly and thoroughly, sketch out your own definition of success.
There are no rules about how long or short it needs to be: what matters is that it means something clear, rousing and important to YOU.
Step 4: Your Path Forward
Based on the reflection you’ve just done, take some time to evaluate: on a scale of 1 to 10, how on track am I to achieving my definition of success?
You might be there already, or pretty close, particularly if you frame success not as a destination somewhere in the distant future but as a journey.
Looking at your score, reflect: What can I do, or change about my mindset or behavior, right now that will bring me closer towards achieving my personal definition of success?
If you want to explore the topic together with your team or organization as part of a workshop, we’ve got you — reach out.
Originally published by Sally on Medium.
