Where do we draw the line? Navigating personal & professional stress

Historically, the pervasive narrative was that work and private lives are separate: never the two shall meet. We were theoretically able to leave work at the office, and leave home behind when we left for our morning commute.

Today, the evidence (and our lived experience) shows us that this is not the case. As human beings, we cannot prevent stress in one field of our lives from impacting another field. As we learned during our live session with Dr Delia McCabe at Human Leaders last week,

that is to a large extent because the impact of stress on our brains and bodies happens without our consciously deciding for this to happen, but as an automatic response to circumstances. 

Most of us have experienced a myriad of personal and professional stressors in our lives at some point, such as the below.

There are also forms of stress which straddle the two, such as economic recession or the pandemic.

Leaders as role models

As leaders, we may feel a need to present a strong front, and hide any doubts, concerns, struggles or pain we experience.

Traditional forms of leadership would have us deny anything is wrong, or steadfastly say ‘I’m fine, there’s nothing to see here’ rather than acknowledging the truth of the stressors we grapple with.

Often, as a result of not confronting the reality of these stressors, leaders end up turning to ways of numbing fear and other emotions, such as addictive behaviours. And by not being honest, we undermine a sense of trust, respect and psychological safety within the workplace.

Recognising symptoms of chronic stress

Recognising the signs of chronic stress in ourselves is the first step in proactively managing our stress. According to Yale Medicine there are four categories of symptoms that result from chronic stress: cognitive, emotional, physical and behavioural. We may not have symptoms from all four categories; however if we’re suffering from three to five of these symptoms for several weeks or more, it’s a sure sign we’re suffering from chronic stress.

Key tips for handling personal stress at work

Here are 3 key tips for when you notice that a situation of personal stress is impacting your work.

Take responsibility

Take responsibility and ask for what you need, and what your team needs, in order to navigate the situation. Don’t wait for the situation to become unmanageable or for someone else to suggest you need time off. Taking a proactive approach to ensure you’re looking after yourself, including ensuring your personal habits like diet, exercise, and sleep, in conjunction with workload are promoting stress management can prevent significant damage or even disaster down the road. 

Be respectful & transparent

When we are under stress, our dark side can come out. We are less likely to be patient, kind and thoughtful, and more likely to be impulsive, reactive and judgmental. Be mindful of your tendencies when under stress. Remove yourself from situations where you might be triggered to behave unhelpfully. Where appropriate, inform others that you are experiencing stress so that they are able to take this into account and support you accordingly.  

Be realistic

When we derive a significant amount of our identity from our work, we can tend to ‘burrow in’ to work to avoid the pain of stress in our personal lives. And yet, when we’re under stress, our capacities are invariably reduced, our judgment is poorer, and our interpersonal skills can be compromised. Be realistic and kind towards yourself. Taking a few personal days now can often prevent us from causing greater damage in the long term by ‘soldiering on’.

Cultivating your skills of empathy, compassion and the ability to take responsibility for your actions and decisions all starts long before you’re experiencing stress. Building these skills is part of the Human Leadership experience. 

Reflection: How do you navigate the intersection of personal stress and professional stress?