You Belong Here: The Power of Being Seen, Heart and Valued on Your Own Terms with Kim Dabbs
Belonging is often thought of in an external context: belonging to others, community, a workplace. Global expert in belonging and purpose and Global Vice President of ESG and Social Innovation at Steelcase Kim Dabbs takes a different view. Namely, that belonging is first and foremost a journey of inner work to belong to yourself.
This radical reframe of belonging immediately caught our attention at We are Human Leaders. And in the latest podcast episode, we speak with Kim and unpack her incredible new best-selling book, “You Belong Here: the Power of Being Seen, Heard and Valued on Your Own Terms.”
The conversation is intimate, packed with insights and will have you thinking entirely differently about your identity and own journey to belonging.
A personal and professional journey
A Korean-born American adoptee who currently lives in Germany, Kim shares her own personal and professional journey, including her varied career leading non profit organizations in equity and education as well as public policy and advocacy initiatives in the United States.
She shares how she discovered that the search for belonging is not an external process, but starts with inner work. As Kim explains:
“When I go back to Korea, Koreans tell me I'm too American. And when I'm in the US Americans tell me I'm too Korean. And here in Germany, so often I'm just told, you're not German. Everywhere I go, people remind me I'm not one of them. It hurts. And to deal with this pain, I spent decades trying to find ways to become a cultural chameleon. I would change my hair, clothes, my words. And I did this in an attempt to make others feel more comfortable in the places and spaces we shared.”
“For so many years, the world was made up of places I didn't belong. And this journey of understanding who I am and my identity became a journey towards belonging to myself.”
The rewarding inner work of belonging
Like much of the most valuable and rewarding inner work we can do as humans, belonging is a matter of constant evolution and discovery. As Kim explains, “It's not something that one day that we hit and we're like, ‘Oh, okay, I belong now’. It's that constant exploration and it's the constant questioning and acceptance of who you are and the places we share.”
“Every individual is actively on a journey to exist, and understand and contextualize that existence here in the world. Belonging is forever work.”
Kim shares powerful experiences from her work with an array of companies exploring the different leadership and cultural attributes that give rise to belonging. She reflects on something many of us have experienced, feeling we cannot be our authentic selves in the workplace, and highlights the toll this takes.
“One meeting you're in, you're like, wow, I can authentically be who I am. And then you have another meeting and you're like, okay, I don't think this place or space is made for me. We've all felt that way at some point. And the feeling of exclusion shares the same neural pathways as physical pain.”
This takes an enormous toll, particularly for minorities who are exposed to an almost constant experience of exclusion.
“If you're carrying not only a busy workload or a day full of meetings, now you're doing it with unintended consequences because of the cultures you're working in. The weight of these experiences becomes heavier and heavier, and eventually we lose sight of ourselves.”
Kim offers practical advice for when we receive physical signals of discomfort or the pain of exclusion: “When you have those physical cues, you can really understand how to lean into your values.” Rather than turn your back on your identity in that moment, she suggests we take action to show up for ourselves, whatever that looks like in the circumstances.
Creating a workplace culture of belonging
With her abundant experience, Kim has potent guidance for leaders looking to build a culture of belonging. “To design for belonging, organizations need to start to prioritize culture and the needs of each of your employees.”
There is no one-size fits all answer. Kim expands: “A safe space is different for every single employee. And that's what makes this identity work critical in building the culture of belonging.”
“Belonging isn't sameness. And the more we understand that, the more that we can design for cultures not that people fit into, but everyone coming together with different life experiences, different identities, different thoughts and feelings and emotions, and being able to create spaces that humanize that experience.”
Don’t create. Co-create
On a practical level, she advises not designing a culture of belonging for your people, but doing so with your people. “Co-creation is one of the most powerful tools that a leader has, because you're not designing for other people. You're designing with them.”
“Those moments where everyone can come together, co-create and co-design and bring that radical lens towards service, it's belonging at multiple levels. And I think that's where our culture starts to shift and individuals start to thrive.”
Kim Dabbs is a global leader in Belonging and Purpose, whose unique life story informs her passionate advocacy for inclusion and understanding. Born in Korea and adopted by American parents, Kim's journey has taken her from feeling perpetually out of place in different cultures to becoming an influential voice in creating spaces where everyone feels they belong.
As the Global Vice President of ESG and Social Innovation at Steelcase, she applies her extensive experience in social innovation, honed through roles like the Executive Director of the West Michigan Center for Arts and Technology and a residency at Stanford's d.school, to foster more inclusive and equitable environments.
