How to avoid enmeshing with your work (and why it matters)

Hint: You're MORE than what you do.

According to the World Health Organization, working more than 55 hours per week is a serious health hazard. And yet, many large firms still expect much longer hours from their employees. Eventually, this can damage their physical, emotional and mental health in the form of burnout. In some instances, it results in death.

While the Japanese coined a term for death by overwork - “karoshi” (過労死) - today, this phenomenon occurs globally. According to the WHO, overwork and work-related stress led to 745,000 deaths from stroke and ischemic heart disease in 2016. Some of these deaths happen years later. 

But there are also startling stories of young people working in toxic, large firm environments who die in their twenties as a result of overwork.

To this day, the practice of the ‘magic roundabout’ - taking a taxi home around 4am, having a shower and changing your clothes before returning to the office without sleeping - remains common.

This exploitative environment is depicted in HBO’s series Industry, in which a young employee dies in the very first episode due to work pressures. Human Leaders Co-Director Sally Clarke was witness to highly toxic behaviors in her early career in banking and finance law. And apparently, little has changed: numerous banking graduates corroborate the portrayal of the toxic environment portrayed in Industry. 

One issue that can lead to toxic behaviors - especially in environments where these behaviors are encouraged - is enmeshment with your job. As Sally puts it,

I knew I was causing myself harm [on the way to burnout], but I was in too deep - my whole identity was derived from that work.

Human Leaders suggestions for handling enmeshment at an unhealthy level

Job enmeshment is more common than you might think

Is your identity subsumed by your profession? Does your identity feel inextricably linked to your job title? Do you view life solely through the prism of your profession? You might be enmeshed with your work.

Enmeshment is a term used by psychologists to describe certain interpersonal relationships but in recent times has been extrapolated to the relationship we have with work.

Identifying with your work is not necessarily a bad thing - it can increase job satisfaction and meaning. However, when you over-identify with work,

when you consider your work to be who you are, not just what you do - you become more likely to make decisions that damage your health and wellbeing so that you can meet the demands of your work.

Combine this with a toxic work environment, where demands are high to the point of being ridiculous, and that damage to your health and wellbeing can happen fast.

The antidote to enmeshment

As we evolve out of toxic workplace cultures, it’s important not to simply expect people to shield themselves against enmeshment. Senior leaders need to actively, structurally encourage people to focus on their lives beyond work, and ensure people have sufficient time and means to do so.

At Human Leaders we encourage leaders to start with the following 4 steps to ensure they’re not enmeshed - and can role model this to others around them.

Know Yourself

Explore your core values, aspirations and purpose, and understand how your innate personality traits inform your leadership style. By getting to know yourself at a deep level, you empower yourself to make decisions aligned with your authentic self (and not another person’s expectations, for example). 

Prioritize your Wellbeing

Focus on and take daily action to nourish your body, mind and soul through sleep, stress, nutrition, physical activity and spiritual practices. In doing so, you create a solid foundation of health that facilitates optimal decision making.

Make your identity multi-faceted

What matters to you outside of work? What are your hobbies and interests? Which community groups grab your attention? What would you like to study that has nothing to do with your work? Attend meetings, join clubs, sign up for courses and make these an important priority in life. 

Talk about it

Speak often and openly about the things you love to do that have nothing to do with work. This encourages and inspires others to pay attention to and nourish their own non-work lives. 

In conclusion, Senior leaders need to actively encourage employees to actively adopt these behaviors - and they need to lead by example. Offering your team Human Leaders membership is a great way to start.